When Aging Parents Remarry
Suzanne cared for her ailing husband for five years before his death. As time has passed since her husband’s death, Suzanne, now 75, is falling in love again. She’s happy and excited for her new chapter. The only issue is, her grown children strongly object.
The Pew Research Center found that “half of all adults 65 and older had remarried”. With these rates increasing and becoming more of the norm, let’s look at why some older children may not appreciate their aging parents remarrying and how they can deal with these changes.
Adult Children Opposition
Initially, many adult children opposed their parent’s remarriage or talk of later-life matrimony. Does her new partner truly care about her or is he only after Mom’s money? How can they talk marriage when they’ve never met him?
After losing a parent to death or divorce, the introduction of a step-parent to the family can be unnerving because of a shift in everyday and financial roles within the newly blended family. It’s not positive to be worried about financial changes within the family, but there are many ways to address concern around finances and other changes.
Dealing with Changes
As adult children may over-protect their single aging parent when it may be time to loosen expectations. Here are a few cues adult children can follow when their elderly parent remarries:
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It is OK for some family traditions to change. Keep an open mind about what the new step-parent may bring to favourite everyday and holiday family customs.
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Give the new marriage some space and time. As with any newlyweds, be sure to allow older parents room to set up their new home and schedule their way. Your parent is an adult and should be given the respect around their relationship.
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Talk about the sensitive issues of finances, inheritance and care decisions. When the time is right and emotions are calm, initiate a conversation with your parent about the monetary and health aspects of the remarriage. This can be a sensitive conversation due to inheritance changes, so come prepared and maintain a respectful and caring conversation around this.
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Keep the grandchildren involved with both parent and step-parent. Allow the grandkids to develop their own relationship with their new grandparent. Kids often teach the adults about acceptance and flexibility in relationships.
Advantages to Trusting Your Parent
As family members adjust to the new marriage, good can come from the original turbulence of trust. There is a reason your parent chose their partner, so while following the cues above, trust that your parent trusts their own judgement.
On top of that, learn to embrace even the little ways the new step-parent offers endearing love and companionship to Mom or Dad and brings fresh vitality to the family. Aging or loss doesn’t mean no more romantic relationships or happiness, so do your best to extend the same respect to them that they do to your parent.
What are some things adult children should consider when a parent remarries? Connect with Right at Home Barrie and share your thoughts on our Facebook.
